What I have learned:
As I journey farther into my recovery I have begun the work of Dr. Joaquin Farias which uses the basis of neuroplasticity and recovery of memory of movement to address dystonia. Through somatic training exercises, breathing techniques, visual tracking exercises, sensory exercises, dance, Qi Gong and meditation, Dr. Faria’s platform regulates the body into a parasympathetic state in order for those with movement dysfunction to recover from a state of movement dysregulation such as dystonia and associated pain. This has been one of the best additions to my recovery as it has combined what I have been learning through others work such as Charlie Merrill and Karden Raden to provide a structured way to regulate the autonomic dysfunction and movement pathways that occur in dystonia and other neuroplastic disorders.
Additionally at this time I practice Joe Dispenza meditations daily. These meditations allow me to practice entering heart and brain coherence, changing the energy of the body and combining this with the intention I choose to create my desired future. His blessing of the energy centers is one I use throughout my day as I become more aware of the feelings of anxiety and threat coursing through me to help separate me and give myself space from these feelings in order to re-regulate my system back into the moment. From this spot, although things may not always feel great, I have started to downregulate the activation coming from the amygdala and limbic centers of the brain and allow my prefrontal cortex instead to “come back online” as Dr. Hanscom would say in order to gain more awareness of my thoughts, emotions and subsequently underlying beliefs and choose different actions. These actions may be simple such as visualizing a hand over my heart and the felt sense of warmth that brings, seeing myself smiling back at me in order to visualize who I intend to be and step more into that field of energy, or feeling my hands rub up and down my arms as a way of soothing myself. It also may include regulating my breathing patterns using Dr. Faria’s two point or “donut” breathing or just simply slowing down the out breath or somatic tracking which is essentially labeling mindfully without trying to change the sensations occurring throughout the body. The meditation I practice daily has allowed to tap into these centers, awareness and soothing visuals and have taken time and diligent practice to become better at. I see these tactics becoming more automatic and thus the new neural pathways I am creating becoming more habitual, taking me to where I want to go rather than falling back into my old patterning/programming.
Per the suggestion of Charlie Merrill I have now started incorporating the work of “The Secret Language of the Body”. The book details how to use BASE and AIR, two techniques that Karden Raden and Jennifer Mann developed when healing their own past traumas that resulted in nervous system dysregulation. Through these tactics which I am incorporating as I notice fear and anxiety, frustration, the need for validation, excitement, pain, the desire to be seen and heard, the desire to fix myself, anger, obsession, and depression come up; I am gaining greater clarity at some of the false beliefs I hold myself to and the behaviors I resort to such as needing to be validated and seen, not believing in my own healing, feeling I will never get out of this, that I am broken or wrong in some way, that my circumstances are my fault, and pitying my situation (this one remains hard, there is line between being vulnerable and sharing what we are going through and another between feeling and playing the victim, I am working on not being seen as broken by myself or others). I am learning to gain better awareness of where I am at in the moment, the memories or beliefs triggering these thoughts and beliefs, the sensations that occur in my body as the stories in my head spin as well as how this affects the quality of my breath and interrupt these patterns more easily. It’s with this increased awareness that I can better accept and use the methods of visualization, Dr. Farias, my self soothing tactics and more to re-regulate my system, return myself to a more parasympathetic state where I can choose or try to lean into different ways of regulating my system and then address as needed (sometimes just awareness is enough), the underlying beliefs and emotions driving maladaptive behaviors such as dissociating, repressing, “freezing or fleeing” (I am not really a fighter) and again choose to use new skills. I remind myself over and over through the words of others such as Dan Buglio that this is “hard but doable”. Dr. Rediger’s book Cured also has added to what Charlie Merrill has continued to teach me which is to stay focused on the process and see it as a challenge rather than a hindrance. This simple change in perspective is profound and leads to what Alan Gordon would call “outcome independence”.
Noticing the small gains (or big ones) is big too. Dr. Joe highlighted this at the end of his Denver 2024 retreat and Charlie Merrill always reminds me to celebrate the wins. This is huge especially in tougher times because my mindset in the past has gravitated towards everything is wrong. As I notice the moments where I am feeling better, reaching my running goals, performing better at my job, or connecting more with those I love, I feel I am stepping into the person I have been visualizing and putting my efforts with these skills into becoming and this keeps me out of the trap from the “I always fail, nothing will ever change” mindset. I also use this when I feel that something like an injury or new pain will become permanent, reminding myself of all the times before that I have felt this way (my pelvis, my knees, fatigue, breathing, constant dry mouth, my hands going numb), where this has not been the case. Through the teaching of the Buddha, we know that everything is impermanent and this is something to deeply embody.
Last one of the greatest things I have learned is that in order to truly heal we have to heal false perceptions and beliefs of ourselves. This is what drives us into fight or flight in the first place and keeps us stuck there. If your subconscious is constantly telling you, “this is my fault (pain, eating disorder), I am doing it wrong, I am wrong”, it’s hard to imagine that you can heal and actually feel that on a vibrational level. Positive thinking won’t do jack for you, if the emotion is not congruent with the thought. This is not a new realization and part of the genius of Joe Dispenza and Dr. Sarno’s work. Imagine the threat physiology (thank you Dr. Hanscom) coursing through you as yoursubconscious sublimely tells you these things while you put your efforts into changing. Until these beliefs are seen and addressed as Dr. Dan Ratner has observed, it’s going to be wildly hard to enter a parasympathetic state where rest and repair are restored and we can allow the body to do what it’s so naturally good at doing which is heal. This goes for any ailment, psychological or physical. This is also therefore where I know I need to go most but also where I hope after my own healing to help my patients. Overall the work for me occurs throughout the day, at an almost constant basis at this rate, however I am human and there are times where I struggle. There are more times now where I notice I am less obsessional about using the work. While obsession is seen as a bad thing and certainly I have seen how detrimental it can be, accepting that I have an obsessional side to me that has helped me greatly especially with this work has been healing too. Ultimately with doing the work, two other key players that I am learning are needed are acceptance and letting go. These are perhaps the hardest at times for me because I worry if I stop that I will not ultimately get to my goal which in the big picture is to be chronic pain (we all get pain but the level of daily, sometimes constant symptoms is not what was intended for humans) and dystonia free. My teachers which are all of the people mentioned above elucidate that letting go and acceptance are of the utmost importance and something I am working on.
Perhaps one of the more exciting developments lately in my life is being able to communicate the work I am doing like I have been in this writing so far to others. It’s taken me a long time to explain some of the intricacies that go into healing the mind to heal the body and vice versa. I was uncomfortable and scared to share this information feeling others would not understand but now that I can put it into words and see some of it’s effects I feel confident. Not only that, I hope to help others learn what I have been learning for themselves. It’s been something I have been trying to bring to my workplace as a physician assistant by introducing these concepts and giving others a list of resources where they too can develop these skills and something I hope to bring to you.
Unlock The Healer Within 